Tough Love - 5/17/19

It was almost 9:00am and I was chest deep in the waters of the San Francisco Bay by Crissy Field. I was fully clothed including hiking boots, a jacket, beanie, and wearing a backpack with 30 lbs of bricks. Not exactly suitable swimwear for being in the cold water. An early mist hung right above the water at my eye level. I watched as a group of pelicans skimmed over the mist, crossing from my right to left, leading my eyes up to the towering Golden Gate Bridge. The water was surprisingly calm and rippled around me. I was more than 50 feet from shore, but felt like there was miles of water surrounding me. It was a precious solo moment, and one I will never forget. I stood there, pondering what I had just endured.

I had just completed my first GoRuck Tough Challenge. The GoRuck Tough Challenge is a 12-hour event originally created to highlight the durability of GoRuck backpacks, a product designed by a former military veteran to meet the heavy duty requirements of active duty. It eventually evolved into a team building event held in cities all over the nation. It consists of each member carrying 30lbs of bricks in a GoRuck backpack, various physical and team based challenges over the course of the 12 hours, usually beginning at 9:00pm and ending at 9:00am, and other special exercises lead by former US Special Forces. No dropping the backpack. No breaks. No excuses. The final hours of the event had us doing sit ups and flutter kicks at dawn, while waves and sand crashed over our faces and shoulders. 

I had a case of bronchitis a day prior, but decided to proceed rather than let the money and experience go to waste. We covered just over 24 miles, hundreds of push ups, sit ups, bear crawls, lunges up Lombard Street, and much more I won’t mention. Despite the bronchitis, asthma, sprained feet, sore muscles, and shivering, I had a smile on my face and felt AMAZING.

I had just completed something personally difficult and made great friends along the way. While this was a personal achievement, it would have been much more difficult without my squad. When the weights got too heavy for one, others would carry their weights. If someone fell behind, others would slow down. The point was not individual success, but the success of the whole. This was an important lesson. In American culture, we are taught to be strong individuals, gold medalists, champions. But one of the first lessons you learn in the GoRuck Challenge is that your solo victory means nothing without the inclusion of your squad. In fact, it is a detriment, and if in battle, you or your squad members will die.

This bonding over stress is something I’ve been fascinated with and try to bring into any organization I’m involved with. Sebastian Junger, a journalist, author, and filmmaker most known for his Netflix documentaries Restrepo and Korengal, tackles the topic of shared trauma and combat experience amongst troops. In the two films and his more recent book, Tribe, Junger tries to understand the unanimous decision of veterans wanting to go back into combat with their brothers, despite being in the most dangerous circumstances day after day.

While most of us will never have to deal with life or death scenarios in the relative comfort of our office space, our need for societal support is hard wired within our DNA.  We crave not only physical contact, but safety, loyalty, respect, and support. In the midst of battle, Junger shows in these films that despite the practical jokes and playful insults, once the bullets begin to fly, squad mates would defend their peers with their lives. Just knowing that is worth all the danger in the world. At work and in our personal relationships, that type of commitment is almost unheard of, never challenged and never tested. Some veterans have difficulty assimilating into civilian culture because of this. They simply don’t know who to trust. To some degree, we all seek that level of commitment in our relationships. We have survived for hundreds of thousands of years by watching each others backs. In modern society, we have become larger, but also more divided.

What equivalent of sacrifice is there in our own day to day? Unless you are in law enforcement or a first responder, there almost is none. Bringing these lessons into the corporate world may seem like overkill, but it is a major theme I am actively trying to carry into my role as a new operations developer. It is why early start startups are of particular interest to me. Culture is created and carried by the founders. If not there, I would never be able to influence camaraderie and would beat myself up trying. Politics would undermine the productivity, product, employees, and ultimately the success of the company. 

You may have heard that you are the product of the top five people that you spend the most time with. It may sound harsh, but you do have a choice to keep or leave relationships and friendships that are no longer serving you. This will open space for another who will respect you and cherish you. Fight for you and serve you. Teach you and challenge you. 

Through these challenges we discover ourselves and we discover others’ true character. It is then that we know who we are dealing with. Look forward to these moments as they come few and far between. If you have already gone through hell, be grateful for the opportunities and truths it has provided. Without it, we could go on never knowing the depths of our character, strength, perseverance, and grit.

These are the keys to any lasting relationship, including the one with yourself.

Fuck yeah, it’s Friday!

GoRuck Tough Challenge, San Francisco 2013